You're Taking Care of Everyone. But Who's Taking Care of You?
You’ve cooked dinner, helped your kids with their homework, checked on your ageing parents, dropped off your in-laws to their appointment, and still managed to stay caught up with everyone’s worries and needs. You haven’t had a moment to yourself all day, but you tell yourself it’s fine.
It’ll only be this thing, and then I can rest. Then I can take care of my worries.
If this is you, you’re not alone. Mothers hold so much invisible labor, emotional, physical, and mental. They often take care of everyone but themselves.
Especially during stressful times, being a mother means you are the tether and anchor of the family. You are also the problem solver, the emotions’ holder, and the organizer for the lives of many under your own household, and even beyond that at times.
What most people don’t realize is that the exhaustion busy moms feel isn’t just ‘being tired’. It’s a nervous system response built on overdrive for too long and it’s asking for something different during these especially difficult times.
Why You Are Feeling it Extra Now.
What isn’t acknowledged enough: Being a Caregiver can be a chronic stressor. Not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you are in constant demand to meet others’ needs. Being constantly on call to meet others’ is linked to greater risk of depression, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, weakened immune responses and metabolic dysfunction.
Which is why you need to also prioritize yourself for the long-run: take care of yourself so you can take care of the ones you love.
What chronic stress actually does to your body
Chronic stress can creep up on you and start looking like this:
- constant anxiety/and worry
- trouble sleeping
- feeling exhausted even after you’ve rested for a while
- mood swings
- tension headaches, muscle tension
- brain fog or forgetfulness
Stress can also lower your immunity greatly
Spikes in your cortisol lead to your body always feeling like you’re in flight or flight mode. Like there’s danger! Must flee
When that happens, your cortisol stays up, and and your immune system becomes way more susceptible to sickness.
Taking Care of Yourself Is Taking Care of Your Family
Perhaps the most trapping mental thought you might be going through right now could be:
I don’t have time to relax → how am I going to relax with so much to do → relaxing is going to waste my time and my family’s time → I am more useful if I keep providing
The problem is, if you wear yourself out, you are not going to be any help to those around you.
Here are ways to take care of yourself, so you can be there for those around you.
- Box Breathing:
- Inhale through your nose for 4 counts.
- Hold for 4 counts.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for 4 counts.
- Hold for 4 counts.
(Make sure you do this 3-4 times until you feel yourself relax)
We actually have a product on our website with exactly this breathing technique!
- 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can feel (your feet on the floor, the texture of your clothes)
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
- Movement as Stress Discharge
Make sure you find some way to incorporate movement into your day. This can be via walking in place while completing a task, taking a walk outside to clear your head (if you are able), shake out your arms in between tasks, drop your shoulders, relax your face.
- Mindful Everyday Tasks
When you are completing daily tasks, try to be present in how your five senses are engaging with your tasks. It can be grounding to pay attention to smells, textures, and sights. For example, when you are completing daily tasks, try to be present in how your five senses are engaging with what's in front of you — the warmth of dishwater, the texture of folded laundry, the smell of something cooking. Research shows that grounding exercises like this activate the body's rest-and-digest response, helping interrupt the stress cycle without requiring any extra time in your day.
- Laughter and Play with the Kids
Try to engage in fun activities with your kids. Whether that’s reading a book, popping bubbles, or silly jokes to try to get them to laugh will not only create a special experience for your children, but those happy memories will boost your morale and help you hold on during stressful times.
- Social Support from your family
Create an environment where you can openly talk about your stress and worries with your family. It’s important to open up and ask for help when you need it. This can be asking for help with tasks around the house, holding space for you when you feel stressed, or simply providing comfort in any way you see fit.
You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup. And Your Body Agrees.
Caring for yourself is not a reward you give yourself when everything else is done. It is the foundation everything else runs on. When your nervous system is regulated, you are able to present, and you show up differently for your family, loved ones and children.
This Mother’s Day, we think it’s especially important to acknowledge the work you put in every day. The invisible labor you carry: the planning, worrying, the doing, it rarely gets recognition, and we shouldn’t wait for one day of the year to let it shine.
So, at PHP, we celebrate our mothers. We see you, we see the hard work you do, and we see the love you pour into every action.
And because of that, we want you to have something that actually helps.
We created the Mom's Busy Day Planner with exactly this in mind: a simple, practical tool to help you carve out space for yourself without adding to your load.
And if you're ready to go deeper, our Stress Management Guide and 1:1 Strategy Session was built for women who are done running on empty and ready to build something that actually lasts.
Take Care,
Sarah - PHP Team
Head of Content and Programs